The Crunch- Bukowski


Too much
too little
or not enough

too fat
too thin
or nobody

laughter or
tears
or immaculate
non-concern

haters
lovers

armies running through streets of blood
waving winebottles
bayoneting and fucking virgins

or an old guy in a cheap room
with a photograph of Marilyn Monroe

many old guys in cheap rooms without
any photographs at all

many old women rubbing rosaries
when they’d prefer to be rubbing cocks

there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movements of
the hands of a clock

there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it blinking in neon signs
in Vegas, in Baltimore, in Munich

there are people so tired
so strafed
so mutilated by love or no
love
that buying a bargain can of tuna
in a supermarket
is their greatest moment
their greatest victory

we don’t need new governments
new revolutions
we don’t need new men
new women
we don’t need new ways
wife-swaps
waterbeds
good Columbian
coke
water pipes
dildoes
rubbers with corkscrew stems
watches that give you the date

people are not good to each other
one on one.
Marx be damned
the sin is not the totality of certain systems.
Christianity be damned
the sin is not the killing of a God.

people are just not good to each other.

we are afraid
we think that hatred means strength
we think that New York City is the greatest
city in America.

what we need is less brilliance
what we need is less instruction

what we need are less poets
what we need are less Bukowskies
what we need are less Billy Grahams

what we need is more
beer
a typist
more finches
more green-eyed whores who don’t eat your heart
like a vitamin pill

we don’t think about the terror of one person
aching in one place

alone
untouched
unspoken to
watering a plant
being without a telephone that will never
ring
because there isn’t one.

more haters than lovers

slices of doom like taffeta

people are not good to each other
people are not good to each other
people are not good to each other

and the beads swing and the clouds cloud
and the dogs piss upon the roses
and the killer beheads the child like taking a bite
out of an ice cream cone
and the ocean comes in and out
in and out
under the direction of a senseless moon

and people are not good to each other.

Appears (in an edited form) in Love is a Dog From Hell

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The Journey

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You put it all on the line,

sometimes the universe is with you,

sometimes it does not seem that way.

But when you finally reach that end,

no matter how long it takes,

it will only make you wiser and stronger

Fly

Man: It’s all getting to be too much for me. I feel I’m out of my depth. I’m scared. I’m scared I’m going to do something stupid.
Dream: And if you do something stupid, what then?

Man: Aren’t you scared of falling?

Dream: It is sometimes a mistake to climb; it is always a mistake never even to make the attempt.

Man: What are you saying? That I should ought to go back to the show? Not walk out? You’re just a dream. Listen, I’ve made up my mind.

Dream: If you do not climb you will not fall. This is true. But is it that bad to fail, that hard to fall? Sometimes you wake, and sometimes, yes, you die. But sometimes when you fall, you fly.
-Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, “Fables and Reflections”

Belief

“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything”- Sucker Punch

Love through Gaiman

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”- Neil Gaiman

Darth diagnosed

Anakin Skywalker, the Star Wars character who became Darth Vader, had borderline personality disorder.

Experts from the psychiatric department at France’s University Hospital of Toulouse told the APA’s annual meeting that Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader could “clearly” be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

Borderline personality disorder is marked by instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior & a disturbance in a person’s sense of self.

The French psychiatrists — who included Laurent Schmitt, MD — based their diagnosis on original Star Wars film scripts. Schmitt’s team describes Skywalker’s symptoms, including problems with controlling anger and impulsivity, temporary stress-related paranoia, “frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment (when trying to save his wife at all costs), and a pattern of unstable and intense personal relationships,” including his relationships with his Jedi masters.

Changing his name and turning into “Darth Vader” is a red flag of Skywalker’s disturbed identity, note Schmitt and colleagues.

The researchers aren’t suggesting that real people with borderline personality disorder are Darth Vaders-in-the-making. Skywalker’s symptoms are an extreme, fictional case.

what if

is there a darkness. . .
Is there a darkness,
greater than than Death?
Yes
Greater than the darkness of loneliness?
Greater than the darkness of peace, or fear, or defeat?
The Blackest Darkness of all
The unending nights and
Restless unanswered dreams
of that which MIGHT have been

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